PTD it's here and it's real.

So Iam officially home, have been for almost three weeks now

but I haven't written anything because I think I was at a loss for words and slowly acclamating to the fact that I was back in America. Coming home was hard. I even had a moment walking onto the plane in Madrid where I thought about turning and running back into my Spanish life where reality seemed so far away.

But before we sink into a deep dark hole about how I hate my life and post traveling depression has hit me like an oncoming freight train I wanted to share more about where Iam at now three weeks later, compared to the emotional wreck I was when I first came home. I definitly changed. Someone who was so social and wanting to go out every night has become more of a homebody. I find myself wanting nights with maybe 3 or 4 of my close friends. I hate meeting new people right now or going to bars. I think it's just because I'm trying to find out where I'm at.
The main thing I have gained besides a few pounds (I attribute alot of this to my last three weeks of backpacking) is confidence in myself. Already alot of my friends have dissapointed me by not returning phone calls or flaking on days we're suppose to catch up. I mean my philosophy is if you really want to see someone you make it happen. You shift some things around and take some time out of your day to see a friend you have not seen in three months. But I've learned I only need myself. I do things that make me happy, like reading and going to the beach no company required. I have never been so sure of who Iam or what I represent. Positive feedback has allowed me to become more confident in my writing and after a trip to UCSD today Iam ecstatic for fall. In fact I think this is the only time in my life where I actually want summer to end. I can't wait to apply for scholarships, get the feel of living on campus and creating a new life for myself.
After sulking for a couple of days I decided I should be more lucky than sad. I sould accept that my experience has concluded, reflect on it and be glad on all the knowledge I've gained. I can't tell you how many people remind how fortunate I am to have traveled Europe at such a young age.
So now here comes my thanks portion of my post. I want to thank everyone who read my blog, more especially those who gave me feedback. You have only made me more sure my career path is the right one. I want to thank my true friends and family who have been nothing but understanding of my wierd behavior and who have listened to me brag about my constant crazy Euro adventures. I hope that this will only mark a beginning to my traveling the globe.
Now a days I feel calm. Sometimes I get a sort of burning sadness when I see a photo or some foreign advertisement but I try to swallow this and emerge with a smile. I can only hope those who want to travel are someday given the gift I was at 21 years old.
I hope to continue this blog. Not sure about what my topics will pertain too but I hope to keep readers and feedback. Blogging is kind of a release for me. The world wide web is who I talk to when I feel as though no one else wants to listen. And for anyone in my Madrid group who reads this I know the majority of everyone is feeling a little bit bored and sad of their current life state, but just remember this is your life and if you truly want something you can make it happen. Don't be afraid of change and do your best to steer from routine. To end I'd like to share a quote that I read the other day:
"To find the balance you want this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the Earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking through your head. Instead, you must look through your heart."


The Dandy Warhols "Godless":