"A few times in my life I've had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be."
Not only have I experienced these moments of sobering clarity, but it made me think about the fast track that is our lives. How many times can a person utter "that seems like just yesterday" before there is no more today?
Being a year away from graduation is a scary time for a twenty something year old who's definition of wealth is over $100 in tips on a night shift. I mean I think about careers, 401k, update your resume, get experience while your still in school, and I've also noticed this and one other theme floating around the UCSD campus: complaining.
I often hear kids muttering how tired and stressed they are. Sentence structures usually begin with "You don't even understand....." Oh but we do. So where do I fit in I do complain, but try to keep it to myself most of the time. Iam scared of entering the real world, but know it is inevitable. I have to muster up enough charisma and experience to convince some suited man behind an oak wood desk I am a good employee. Seems do-able, but it is not that easy. Being on this campus makes me think about the future and how could it not. There's career fair every other week, and grad school flyers decorating the sidewalks. People ask me what my major is more often then how my day is.
And I'm complaining....but my point amongst all this rambling is that life is way too fast. People dip in and out of this world everyday. Seems like just yesterday I was living in Europe now I'm about to complete my first quarter at a university and turn 22.
I can stress about the future but somehow I know everything will be okay and it is these moments of clarity which I see a clear message. When my mind parts like the Red Sea and I see the beauty of life and just feel grateful and assured.
I met a Swedish man who is backpacking through the United States, it's his first time here. And we decided to explore San Diego together, while walking on the coast of Pacific Beach he assured me what he'd seen of America was beautiful. However he used an adjective which stuck out to me, "controlled society." As we walked on the beach he pointed to a sign on the beach that had a list of rules (No smoking, drinking, open fires, etc.)
"Now why does this have to be here?," he said. "People should know not to litter and have open fires, but they need to be guided. In Sweden it is just understood."
Maybe that is why I feel scared, because I am being guided by society into the next step of my adult life. When really everything is my choice, it seems sometimes we are pushed on track so much we forget the power of free will.
Very thoughtful post, Kirst. No answers for ya but wanted to let you know I enjoy reading your words. :)
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ReplyDeleteWords as out of my own mind. It was well interesting and surprising to be part of the text and slowly realising it as I read it through, I even remember that exact notion of that sign on the beach.
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